the story of me: two (fake performances)

i love karaoke. i love rock band and guitar hero and singstar and generally just being the center of attention. i hosted my own karaoke night when i was in theatre school (whole other story dude, whole other story) and frequented so many karaoke joints, so regularily, that i would get recognized at drive-thrus (a cop at a country style in oshawa once said to me, "i saw you at five different karaoke bars last week!") and regulars would submit songs (from my expansive roster) in my honour. this sounds fucking crazy i know but, an 18 year old girl with a fake id, musical theatre pipes and a penchant for bad 90s rap is (apparently) what every drunk old man at every dive bar is dying to see.

the karaoke phase may have passed as i became legal age and starting singing in a real band but my desire to do something at a bar other than drink couldn't be sedated. i started a guitar hero night at a bar called the queenshead (rip) in 2006 and it really took off. at the height of it, patrons would be forced to sign up and wait an hour for their turn. you fail: you're out. no second tries on my fucking night. oh, and, if you're boring... i'm taking over. the phase passed, as they do, and it turned into a straight up dj night that slowly withered and died.

these days, ten years later, i'm more into rock band. i go to kimbot's place, we get bombed, blitzed and bawl through classic rock, old no doubt and hilarious renditions of dragula, chop suey and battery. she recently bought the american idol game and it has opened my eyes, man. never did i picture myself, pbr in hand, singing 'my heart will go on' for all it's fucking worth with tears in my eyes and a flutter in my heart. i could just picture my 15 year old self crying and clutching the radio while sound clips from titanic played through the bridge of the song (anyone else remember when they did that?) fuck man, teenage girls are whiny little attention whores but boy, can they entertain the barflys.