September 13, 2011


i've taken one food photo worthy of posting in the last two months. ONE photo. TWO months. that's fucking crazy, right? ok sure, a couple years ago when i started all of this i was taking so many food photos that i had to space out uploading them to avoid throwing up 30 a week. now it feels like i've already got a photo up of every possible combination of food... or maybe i just haven't been cooking as much because it's been summer and summer is the time of auto focus film cameras with cheese and bread in the park. i can feel the warm nights slipping away already but they're ushering in my burgeoning sweater collection and passion for hearty, meaty meals so, hey, not all bad.

August 13, 2011

so why not consider someone else: stop canonizing animals

i love eating with my hands. getting all up in the cut and shit. get dirty, get weird. you gotta eat to live, why not live to eat? i recently called a vegan dude a self righteous prick for voicing his support of an article on the hatred of "foodies" while on route to eat at au pied de cochon for a second time. we had scheduled our trip to montreal solely around our reservation; we had a table booked before we had a room. after a nice day of record shopping we cleaned up and had a gluttonous, coma inducing feast of foie gras and blood sausage tart, bison tongue and beef tartare with a raw quail egg... and every dish was amazing. i don't understand why most vegans have to be such party poopers all the time. i understand and respect your choices, why won't you understand mine and stop fucking pestering me?

August 02, 2011

the story of me: four (tee vee)

i love television. i always have and always will. i can do without a lot of things. hell, i once went to the queenshead in 2006 and didn't have a single drink all night. that's basically a goddamn miracle. tv, however, is in my blood and i need it desperately to survive.

i grew up with tv and remember events in my life based around what was airing/what i was downloading. example? i remember that i broke my foot in 2003 because that's the year buffy went off the air and the year i finally began watching it. i was through the first season on dvd (and painkillers) when the space network picked up buffy and angel, airing them in syndication, back to back, at 3AM on weeknights. i was a half cripple that had just dropped out of theatre school so this fit my fucked up sleeping patterns. hmmm, i suppose my tendency towards keeping gonzo hours and obsessively watching days of television at a time are not mutually exclusive.

i was thinking about writing this blog at work today and my mind wandered to how many shows i have seen every single episode of... and liked! i wager it's an embarrassing list. fuck it, let's go: buffy, fishing with john, angel, friends, bored to death, seinfeld, fresh prince of bel air, rob & big, the simpsons, pushing daisies, undergrads, laguna beach, 30 rock, degrassi junior high, modern family, newsradio, arrested development, drew carey, saved by the bell, new adventures of old christine, freaks and geeks, party down, my life as liz, breaking bad, kitchen confidential, jersey shore, my so-called life, no ordinary family, californication, the golden girls, mr. sunshine, heroes, mad love, clone high, cougar town, how i met your mother, glee, supernatural, the office (us & uk), parks and recreation, louie, undeclared, bob's burgers, fantasy factory,
bones and that's everything i can think of off the top of my head. i'm totally gonna keep this list updated though. hahah, what a loser.

July 30, 2011

driving around ontario

we're playing a lot of out of town shows right now and trying to get our album together. so basically we've been a bunch of stressed out, drunken weirdos. i've, of course, had my camera with me the whole way.

July 10, 2011

fever dreams

if you read the things i write on the internet or know me in real life, you'll know i smoke a lot of weed. i remember laughing so hard watching bored to death when zack galifianakis tells kevin bacon, "i don't know, i never dream. i smoke pot right before i go to bed and it shuts down the dream side of my brain." i've been saying that for years and nobody believed me! i've had a pretty bad sinus infection for a couple days that morphed into a wild sweatfest so i cut back on the weed and had some crazy fever dreams.

on tuesday i woke up, called in sick to work and went back to sleep. in my mind though i got dressed, rode to work, got a coffee, got changed and walked down into the shop and starting folding shirts. my co-worker turned to me and said, "uh, you don't have anything on." i looked down; i was only in my underwear. i ran out the door to get to my other job... selling merch for every time i die. they had, like, 40 albums though and i couldn't keep them straight so after getting screamed at, i was fired. lucky break for me because somehow my next gig was a cast member on parks and recreation. i tried to get andy to like me instead of april (we were somewhere around late season 2) but c'mon... i can't even compete with aubrey plaza in my own goddamn dream.

June 05, 2011

two face life

my fucking throat has been killing me for two weeks now. the first five days were coupled with other cold symptoms that have all but withered away. the hacking, the phlegm, the inability to hold a fucking note, however, remains. we played four shows in the last two weeks and my vocal folds are completely raped. this weekend was a nice distraction though. we played in hamilton on friday; i got a footlong assorted sub for $3.20, a half quarter of good weed for $20 and strangers fought with hula hoops during our set and twirled fire afterward. oh, and we did two encores. hahah, that has NEVER happened before. on the way home we got pulled over for speeding and while waiting for the cop to write a ticket i was positive i was gonna piss my pants. after squatting on the front lawn of an apartment building in parkdale (with another spitfist member), i took out money and bought a chili cheese dog from 7-11. i puked it up later (with all the jager shots) so i felt pretty good about it the next day.

i can't think of a segue for this but i bought some awesomely old school italian kitchen tools (ricer, single stove-top espresso maker) with a set of dominoes and vintage cassette recorder at a sweet yard sale today. summer is upon us! my life is weird!

May 18, 2011

whichever dessert has the most chocolate, i'll take it.

i haven't been baking as much as i used to because i'm trying to keep my weight in check, like, for real this time. (jesus christ. that's the worst. i'm the worst. who wants to read shit like that? blah, blah, i'm uncomfortable with my body. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. i digress...) recently, however, my fantastic boyfriend brought me home a selection of chocolate treats (read: for no reason at all) and while they were all astounding, the whoopie pie intrigued me because i felt like i could make it. possibly make it better. i already have a recipe for cake-like cookies that i found through the magic of google but i've never really nailed a super fluffy icing/filling before. hey, guess what, i didn't this time either! i over estimated how much icing sugar i had left and used too much butter so the icing was all fucking runny and didn't hold up between the cookies. also, i have zero patience when it comes to the "let cool" portion of baking so i iced while warm and ended up with a delicious mess. i popped some in the fridge and they set nicely. also, i ran out of milk so i used sour cream in the cookie batter and it fuckin' RULED! the cookie looked perfectly fudgy and melted in my mouth. you should make them too but have more patience or keep them in the fridge or something. they'll be fantastic either way but you shouldn't have to hose down afterward.

April 14, 2011

records and bodies

spitfist played a whole bunch of shows in the last couple months and we started recording our first full length! well, technically it probably qualifies as an EP when it only clocks in at 20 minutes for 8 songs but, hey, that's huge for us. i'm really excited about getting it mixed and mastered because it's the first time i've ever been able to listen to the sound of my recorded voice without cringing. in other news, recording has led to stress eating and goddamn the new cupcake place by my house. you're not getting the best of me! not right before cut-off jean short season!

i'm glad summer is on the way, though. i've noticed that i haven't used my digital camera for anything other than food photos in a long time. i think i've grown tired of it. maybe i need to upgrade my body... i'm thinking about staying in the canon rebel family because, let's be honest here, i drop my fucking camera ALL the time. i'm not the type of person who can shell out a thousand dollars on electronic equipment because i will break, lose or grow bored of it before i ever get my money's worth. i'd really like to grab a camera that shoots video so it will force me to become a little more comfortable with video editing software. who knows though, i'll probably just spend all my money on clothes and tattoos. speaking of which, get ready ribcage - you're about to get club sandwiched!

March 22, 2011

i love tearing meat off the bone

lately, i've considered abandoning my manners on the internet. i mean, uhh, i'm not exactly ladylike with my speech and shit on this blog but i generally don't scathingly humiliate people for no reason either. i always say please and thank you in public and i try not to swear when babies are around. recently though man, it is getting hard to bite my virtual tongue. everyone has given up! when was the last time you saw a comma in a facebook status? actually, fuck that. how often is there not a single instance of punctuation in your former classmates depressing update about getting new wiper blades? i hate that shit. it literally makes the internet unreadable to me.

i want to start retaliating and not just on poor grammar. i wanted to say so many hilarious (and snide) things today when the guy who used to fuck an old friend changed his relationship status and a photo of his new girlfriend popped up. orange skin, sparkle eyeshadow, high ponytail with that weird gloss covering it and all! what a fucking trainwreck and what a chance to read poorly spelled, half-witted comebacks!

am i wrong to point out the shortcomings of people i no longer care about? does internet etiquette even exist anymore? either way, i wish i could be as liberal with my insults as i am with my food. i'd love to tear the proverbial flesh off a lot of idiot's bones. i guess i'm just too goddamn canadian.