i feel bad today. i don't feel sick or unhappy or mad. i don't want to cry and i don't want to scream. i tried to buy things. i wanted to change my mood with clothes or books or make-up. i spent the weekend in montreal and came back to the exact same situation i left. same job, same apartment, same bike, same city, some life. i'll probably feel fine tomorrow. i'll cut my hair and shave my legs and find some shirt i forgot i had and eat this chocolate and drink this wine and take this painkiller and capture it all in neat little sentences for strangers to read while i watch the same tv shows over and over and wish it was fucking spring already.